I Unexpectedly Inherited A £375,000 House – It’s An Expensive Disaster

The idea of leaving something to our descendants – whether it’s money, a house, family heirlooms or something else – is deeply ingrained. Given the state of the housing market, a gift from a parent is now the only way many young people can imagine getting ahead.

But the reality of inheritance is often more complicated than we imagine, and a gift can sometimes cause more financial issues than it solves. Inheritance tax and family squabbles can sour what should be a consolation after bereavement – and relationships between parents and children can be complex.

So, are children entitled to an inheritance? Helen Neale, Sam Harrington-Lowe and Raj Gill give their perspectives.

My dad died in June 2020. Three years later, my Mum died too. Both of cancer, both quickly and unexpectedly.

At the same time, my brother was in hospital, which meant there was no one other than my husband to help with the admin which comes with a bereavement. That creeping, practical side of grief which consumes you, stopping you from sometimes letting the emotional side in. I dealt with phone calls, the mountain of paperwork and what to do with the home that my parents had loved.

The Joiners, in Burton in Lonsdale, North Yorkshire, was my parent’s legacy to me and my brother. It was virtually the only part of their estate simply because neither of them were that great with money. That did mean, on the plus side, there was no inheritance tax. Unfortunately, it also meant all the inheritance was tied up in a property which they hadn’t done a great deal to maintain over the years. It was where they lived and loved their retirement: a haven from the stresses of life, and a perfect place to enjoy the English countryside with the river that flows through the village.

It was never an option to move into the property because of my own work and personal life being very much at the other end of the country, in Essex. I have a private counselling practise and neurodivergent advocacy business with both my children going to school, and all my support networks there too. My parents’ home was a place to escape from the pressures of that, and sadly never practically possible for us all to live in.

I had to put in the work to restore it so that we could sell it and someone else could pick up the story that my parents started. The renovation transformed the house, uncovering the original features of an 18th-century property: gorgeous wooden beams, old stone fireplaces and the like. We spent £150,000 on giving it a new lease of life, with a log burner, three bedrooms including a vaulted master bedroom and a brand new one with a quirky mezzanine level.

It’s valued at £375,000 now (an increase of around £150,000 since before the work started in 2022), nestled in a gorgeous village near Kirkby Lonsdale on the edge of the Yorkshire Dales. It’s been on the market for months. Yet despite its new start, it isn’t selling.

It isn’t the house. It isn’t the location. It seems to be this moment that we are living through. Mortgages are more expensive due to interest rates. Consumer confidence seems to be lower. People maybe want to hold on to what they have, despite The Joiners being a gem.

I understand why buyers are hesitant. I just hadn’t realised what it would cost personally to have this added weight. The thing is, the house was meant to be a gift, and not a chore, or a stress. But every month it sits unsold is another month of worrying if it will ever go.

It is draining our finances now, with no way to get the savings back until it is sold, multiple bills to pay as it stands empty, not to mention the time it takes to sell. I’m self-employed, and a part-time carer, as well as knowing my own capacity for carrying stress. After all, I’m a therapist and know that self-care starts with knowing your limits and putting in boundaries. But there is no financial support for the person managing an estate alone while also trying to get on with their own life at the same time.

You get on with it because you have to. With the grief, the stress, the uncertainty.

I’m not after sympathy. This is realism. There are many others out there going through the same thing. I’m being honest about what others are experiencing quietly. We don’t talk about grief and money. They are an uncomfortable combination. So, we skirt around them – covering it up.

I did the best I could alone – just like many others out there who care for their relatives, silently. Floundering because they have to get on with it, despite the loss, the grief and the confusion they are feeling without those that once anchored them: their parents.

I have to remind myself that the memories I have of my parents and the house they left me are not the same. I will still have those memories, even when the keys are passed to the new owners.

I am sure that someone will buy this wonderful place. They’ll light the log burner, sit back and start a new story here. When that happens, we’ll have finished what my parents started.