Considering Adoption For Unborn Baby Girl, Biological Father Is Extremely Controlling And Said That Adoption Is Not An Option.

My location: NY.

I’m currently 22 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. I am not married to her father (in fact, I am still currently legally married to another man who left me last December and we have yet to finalize divorce paperwork, but I don’t think that factors in). I slept with my baby’s bio dad exactly one time and one time only 3 months after my husband left, when I was in a state of emotional wreckage and untreated mental illness, and I accidentally became pregnant. I love my baby deeply already, but I am so emotionally unstable I am scared I can’t be a good enough mother. I have made the decision to bring her to earth but I want the best life possible for her, and I am currently of the belief that that life might not involve me. It’s extremely painful, but I started exploring adoption and I found out that there are in fact a high number of families looking to adopt babies in the US. Families with resources, families with love and stability, even families that have been waiting for years to adopt. Some willing to set up open adoption arrangements as well.

My baby’s father has not supported us at all financially (I am just stating that because I read that it can be a factor in cases like this… he has not provided financial support for pregnancy care or anything like that), but he has been messaging me constantly trying to date me and telling me that he will “treat me better than any man has before” and that he will be a wonderful father to “mi Muneca” (“my doll”). He already has a 3 year old son in Colombia who he has abandoned ostensibly because that baby’s mother was crazy and disrespectful. He has demonstrated over and over that he is a very controlling person. He wanted to have a family and move in right away together and I said no, I’m not even ready for a relationship. He acts like those conversations never happened and he still talks about us like we’re a family, despite never providing any other support other than his own fantasies. He does things like show up at Gyno appointments when I didn’t tell him the time or day because he calls them to ask. I told him this morning that I have been feeling really emotionally and mentally unwell, that I can’t see the two of us in a relationship with each other, and that I was exploring adoption as a possibility. He immediately said, “No, that’s not an option. I will take full custody of her. You can’t just take my daughter away from me.”

What are my options in this situation?