I Will Not Promote - Creativity.

So this one will probably hit home with a lot of you- I assume many of you like me have this unyielding, unrelenting, almost uncontrollable urge to just come up with ideas and being inquisitive about everything business related.
Some I know find it hard- but I think for those wired up with that entrepreneurial DNA, you just can't help yourself- walk into any business "that could be done better" "why are they doing that" "how the heck does this place even stay open, I want to see their financials"
or just generally the ideas that just come every day.

I have been very much a case of a new idea every single week stuck in the same cycle- get an idea, get excited, research it, start mentally viability testing it, start looking at the real world viability, is it possible?, is it achievable? is it a solution for a problem no one has? is there demand? is there competition? then pretty much 9/10 times- How much does it take to start up and market it? well.. that idea goes on the shelf with the rest of them then.

I've broken the cycle, I've launched things, I've made little bits of money here and there- I know what lets me down- it's networking, and it's a good bit of not responding well to being ignored when you try to reach out for help (Let me email these investment agencies, angels, other business owners and anyone that can help.. not one single response- well f me I guess, let me do this on my own.. oh wait, I can't afford to... back to the shelf wit ye).

I know I'm an overthinker, give me an idea and I flesh it out in my head in seconds- but then I can just viability test in my head, realise there's fatal flaws and never attempt it- I've gotten over that- so many times I have pushed passed and went "f it, we'll sort the problems out later" and I launch, the problems happen, I still can't get past them and I try pivot, I change, I try to make things work and again, it stagnates and fails- predominately for the same sort of reasons- typically lack of resources and poor marketing. trying to do businesses that won't work by picking up a phone and cold calling - or going out in my local area and canvassing- which leaves; paid advertising or spend years building a personal brand and an audience (that last one, if you cannot tell by the length and bullshittery of this post, I've not got a personality for brand building/ I'm boring and I overcomplicate everything to the point I cannot get my point across to people easily but I cannot stop my brain from working that way, mile a minute kind of problem.)

I know for some people they get broken, they go back into work, they give up on that entrepreneurial dream... but I don't really know what the hell to do, because I quit my job, I took a year out to focus purely on business, that didn't work, I got into freelancing, now I get paid good enough to live on and I am in the lucky position of having a shit load of time on my hands and I absolutely cannot stop being stuck in this cycle of a new idea every bloody week and all I have to show for it is a big project stuck in a development purgatory, a small business which I can't market effectively with the resources I have so that's effectively dead in the water, a few dozen tried and died business ideas, and then a several thousand word document, with all my shelved ideas on getting longer and longer just on the whim and a prayer that one day I can afford to actually go through and start trying a few of them... I've been in this cycle for going on about 7 years now.

I feel like I've been at rock bottom mentally for so long now that my biggest worry is that nothing is going to break me and this is just reality now, constantly stuck in a cycle of creating things that never come to fruition, and the ones that do get built and launch, fail because as much as I have limitless ideas I can't think of the idea which allows me to actually get something further than launch. I need a b2b or a niche market idea but one that doesn't require unobtainable start-up costs and is also viable and scalable, which is basically asking the impossible without doing some niche SaaS product and I don't have any real specific industry knowledge that would help that (my professional industry is so niche and weird- trust me I've thought about doing something for my own industry in great depth..)

I'm not a business guru, I know there's gaps in my knowledge that there's maybe simple things I'm missing to get out of it etc.
but the only advice I've been given is "well this is reality most people fail and have to face reality and go work a normal job"
Yeah we'll wtf am I meant to do?
I freelance which is fantastic, I can both support and be there for my family.
so in basically every regard I've effectively took the advice, given up and went to go slave my ass off for a company- so what stops this absolutely relentless unstoppable desire to just come up with ideas- constantly, no matter what I do, no matter how much I touch grass or focus on my job, it only makes me want to do it more... I just cannot stop doing it, and I feel so god damn alone with no one to help, since I quit my job I have just felt boxed in a system I feel like I have all of the tools to break out of but just still sitting trapped.

anyway thanks for listening to my tedtalk.