???? Axios Finish Line: Your Secure Future

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Are you avoidant, anxious, secure or some combination? Chances are you know the labels, given attachment theory's grip on pop culture, Axios' Natalie Daher writes.

• But psychiatrist Amir Levine, who helped popularize the framework, says we're getting some of it wrong.

???? The big picture: Levine, co-author of the bestselling book "Attached" and the newer "Secure," recently spoke with The Washington Post's Ariana Eunjung Cha (gift link). His hopeful message: Attachment styles aren't fixed. They can change and vary across relationships and settings.

???? Pro tip: To build greater security, Levine recommends practicing CARRP: being consistent, available, responsive, reliable and predictable — and surrounding ourselves with people who do the same.

Top takeaways:

1. ???? Your attachment style isn't universal. You might feel secure with your partner but anxious or avoidant around your boss.

• Levine says his relationships with his dog, sister and partner are secure. But with one friend, he says, "I lean anxious, but I am still within the secure quadrant."

2. ???? It's not all about your parents. Therapy often focuses on childhood, but adult relationships and experiences also reshape how secure we feel.

• "Secure partners can increase security, while those that engage in betrayal, abuse or loss can decrease security," Cha writes.

3. ⚓ One secure person can help anchor a relationship. Great news: Partners don't necessarily need to start from the same place.

• A secure person's consistency, reliability and emotional availability can help shift the relationship in a healthier direction.

4. ???? Everyday experiences matter. It's not just big formative moments that shape our attachment styles.

• Levine describes the brain as "a social reappraisal system" that constantly evaluates the environment for signs of belonging or exclusion.
• Being left out of a game, for instance, can affect our sense of safety and connection whether we're 5 or 75.

???? The bottom line: Your attachment style is more fluid than you think. So don't give up on security, my fellow anxious-avoiders.

Take the quiz to identify your attachment style.

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