Codependency Is The Dance Of Wounded Souls.

Codependency has been described as the dance of wounded souls. That language may sound strong, but it points to something many people recognize once they begin looking honestly at their relationships.

A person may enter a relationship believing they are simply looking for love, connection, loyalty, or closeness. Underneath that, they may also be looking for something much older. They may be looking for the validation, safety, comfort, approval, affection, protection, or emotional steadiness they did not receive as a child.

This is one reason relationships can feel so intense for someone with Complex Trauma. The relationship is not only about the person in front of them. It may also be carrying the weight of old unmet needs, old rejection, old abandonment, and old shame.

Without realizing it, a person may choose someone who feels familiar. Not necessarily someone healthy, but someone who activates the same emotional pattern they grew up with. They may find themselves trying to get love from someone distant, approval from someone critical, gentleness from someone harsh, or safety from someone unpredictable.

Then one day, they may realize they have been trying to get from a partner what they never received from a parent. They may be asking this relationship to heal a soul wound it did not create and cannot repair on its own.

This does not mean the desire for love is wrong. It means the relationship may be carrying more than it was meant to carry.

Healing codependency often involves recognizing where adult relationships are being used to meet childhood needs that still need care. Until those wounds are faced, a person may keep trying to solve the past through someone in the present.