Dating Safety – An Abundance Of Caution

When it comes to online dating, the old adage, “You can never be too careful,” is certainly true. In my online dating experience, I never hesitated to try to verify the identity of someone I’d just met. I worked for years as a television news writer in Chicago and had written numerous stories about imposters, such as those who pose as cops. After meeting someone online, I’d do a routine Google search, looking for a social media presence. But that’s not the only precaution I’d take.

Trust But Verify – Background Checks

As President Ronald Reagan would often say, “Trust but verify.” As part of researching a person I was interested in, I wouldn’t rule out doing a full background check. The value of a background check was made clear to me after a such a check revealed that, contrary to what one man told me, he was, in fact, married and still living with his wife.

When I confronted him with this fact he tried to deny it, but I had the goods and he knew it. He finally confessed, saying that he planned on eventually telling me about his wife. That is, after I fell in love with him. He said by that time I would be so enamored with him that his marital status wouldn’t matter to me. He told me that his strategy had worked with other women. But it didn’t work with me. I couldn’t toss him to the curb quickly enough!

Don’t be intimidated by the thought of doing a background check. There are several services you can choose from, and they usually offer a free trial. While a background check can’t completely guarantee your safety, it does go a long way in giving you some peace of mind about the person you’re dealing with.

Meet Soon and in Public

Once I determined that someone seemed legit, I would ask for a phone call and if no red flags popped up during our call, I would agree to a date or would suggest one. I online dated on-and-off for 13 years before finding my perfect match, and in all my years of online dating I found that meeting someone as soon as possible was key to my dating success.

I found that extended texting and phone calls would set up unrealistic expectations. When I finally met that person, I was often disappointed because the fantasy I’d built up was not at all what was presented to me. Nothing can replace good old-fashioned physical chemistry. Touch, smell, conversation – it all matters!

Meeting soon will also weed out potential fraudsters and scammers. If someone doesn’t want to meet in a timely fashion, that’s a red flag. Scammers will often try to delay meeting in order to build up a fantasy relationship. They hope to gain trust, leading to you to sending them money or sensitive information. Don’t fall for it. Trust but verify and meet as soon as possible.

There are many steps you can take to stay safe while online dating. And when you do meet, make sure it’s in a safe, public place. I made that a habit, as well as always telling someone, usually my daughter, about an upcoming date. I’d text her the name and address of the restaurant where I was going along with my date’s name. And most importantly, I would usually drive my own car to meet my date. One time I took a train to meet a date and that turned out to be a disaster because I wanted to leave early (no chemistry) but was bound to the train schedule. Having to wait for the next train home was torture!

Dating Sites Step Up

After spending years navigating the sometimes-scary waters of online dating, I’m glad to see that dating platforms are taking steps to increase dating safety. Tinder has launched mandatory facial recognition, requiring it for user verification. Hinge requires something similar which it calls the biometric “Face Check.”

Bumble is using something called the “Deception Detector,” employing AI to help weed out fake profiles and suspicious activity. The Match Group, which runs Match.com and a slew of other dating sites, including OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish, is using AI to help detect bad behavior by men.

The dating sites hope the changes will set a new standard for dating safety, but daters shouldn’t get complacent. Stay vigilant and trust your gut so you don’t miss the hidden dangers.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you ever done a background check on a potential date? If so, what did you find out? What steps do you take to stay safe while online dating? Have you ever felt worried about your safety while on a date? If so, what were the circumstances?