How Our Friends Affect Our Dating Lives

We rely on our friends for many things, dating advice especially. I don’t think I’ve ever received an absurd message from a man and just kept it to myself. The debriefing aspect of friendship has become somewhat of a bonding experience. The trials and tribulations of living through this generation’s dating pool oftentimes warrant group discussion.

But at what point does relying on your friends’ opinions cross the line? On one hand, it can be beneficial to have outside perspectives on a situation — it’s easier for people to identify red flags and toxic patterns when they aren’t the ones with emotions invested. We have all fallen victim to love goggles, but, fortunately, many of us can say we have friends that care about us enough to rip them right off of our faces. 

How far do we let the outside influence go? Do our personal preferences start to morph the more we hear what others think? If we are constantly relying on what other people think, that risks the inability to form an understanding of what we are actually attracted to. Generally, most of our friends want to make sure we don’t settle and we are only accepting the love we deserve. But can the idea of what that looks like differ from person to person? 

Good friends will always be cheering you on, hyping you up and reminding you of your worth. But at some point we have to admit the perspective of our friends are biased. Because they love us, they’re wearing rose-colored glasses when looking at our actions and behaviors. 

When we bring our relationship conflicts to the attention of our friends’, most of us are seeking validation for our responses and actions. There are two sides to every story, yet they only ever see one. The truth is, our friends will never understand the depths of our romantic relationships because they will never be privy to all the details. Nobody likes the feeling of being wrong, so when we inevitably vent to our friends, all those moments that may not paint us in the best light are quickly brushed over or never even mentioned. 

A romantic relationship is never a smooth ride. It shouldn’t be a rollercoaster ride with so many bumps and turns you walk away with whiplash, but it’s definitely not supposed to be linear either. Relationships can be hard work and require plenty of compromise and understanding. Ultimately, we need to decide if that love is worth it. If we only ever present our friends with the  reel of our negative romantic tales, is it fair to wonder why they can’t seem to understand why we stay with that person when it’s us that shaped their opinion.

By no means am I saying input from friends is always a bad thing. There are plenty of times they tell us exactly what we need to hear. Sometimes they don’t even have to tell us, but they show us in their own relationships. I have a few friends in such loving and devoted relationships that I can’t help but admire them. They’ve helped me understand what reasonable standards I should have for myself. 

Just as easily, those are the same relationships that start to make us feel like we are behind in life. Truthfully, it’s a tale as old as time. It’s hard not to compare ourselves to those around us. When more of our friends are entering happy relationships, some even getting engaged and married, we start to feel inadequate. There is a sense of pressure that starts to build up. Many times the result of that feeling will be rushing into a relationship that might not be the right fit, ignoring the stop signs just so we can avoid feeling left behind. 

At some point, you have to realize none of us fit the same mold. Each and every one of us are on our own paths, none identical. I believe there is beauty in that. There is also beauty in knowing that our friends have a vision of what they consider fulfilling and want nothing more than for us to share that experience. 

At the end of the day, if you ask me what it all comes down to, we just need to learn where the balance is. Don’t let insecurities run rampant, use the sentiment of self worth our friends give us to understand we should never settle. But also, before outsourcing opinions, ask yourself how you felt about the situation. Allow yourself the time to reflect and decide what you prefer or what you may have disliked. Relationships and friendships will always be intertwined in some way, shape or form, but it’s up to us to decide how influenced we become.