In Spite Of Ourselves

Overlooked similarities across different vocations transpire into sympathy, but everyone can empathize with having to play the system’s games just to get by. “In Spite of Ourselves,” part rom-com, part workplace drama, is an emotionally mature movie. Through the exploration of personal problems, alongside new relationships, the film captures the complexity and importance of intention and the willingness to try and try again. 

Hannah (Conor Leslie) is a thirty-something baker whose about to reach new heights in her career. Archie (Brett Dier), a local Portland comic, is on a parallel path. When he visits the bakery Hannah runs, he inappropriately, but funnily, attempts to bribe two children to let him have the last cinnamon roll. After overhearing the interaction, Hannah and Archie officially have their meet-cute as she brings him a fresh roll from the back. It’s immediately apparent that Archie is written to be the awkward archetype whose confidence is rooted in being the class clown, feeling his best when he’s bringing a smile to other people’s faces. Hannah, meanwhile, is the epitome of the mid-Millennial girlboss who cares deeply about her craft. 

Naturally, the early days of their affair are unsteady. Despite coming from different professional worlds, “In Spite of Ourselves” explicitly narrates the necessities of timing in both baking and comedy; in doing this, it nods towards the timing issues to come in their relationship. Hannah and Archie get to know one another at a pace that is only believable under the constraints of a 100-minute movie. The classic “Before Sunrise” walk-and-talk through the park after dark depends on their connection. As adults do, and should, they act on their attraction after the first date, but it’s surprisingly how much they start confiding in one another about their weighty personal problems. Although a bit corny and cliché, like a Hallmark holiday flick, the film earnestly shows what mutual vulnerability can bring to relationships. 

Director and writer Josh Loeb manifested aspects of “In Spite of Ourselves” from personal experience. With his restaurateur background, he seamlessly weaves in common kitchen lingo and egotistical chef stereotypes. Loeb’s development of his main characters relies on how they juggle the needs and demands of others alongside their personal issues. Archie’s aging father, who is suffering from memory loss, becomes increasingly difficult for the staff at his nursing facility to handle. Meanwhile, the severity of Hannah’s hearing loss leads doctors to recommend a very serious surgery. Interestingly, and intentionally, the film’s climax comes from their respective conflicts, making their relationship a secondary priority. The subtlety of this decision from Loeb reflects the reality of adult relationships, whether platonic or romantic. Supporting oneself while also doing one’s best to show up for family, friends, and lovers is an ever-changing dance. 

During one of Archie’s big comic sets, he is forced to bring his dad along. At first, this scene seems like it could go south quickly, but what follows is unexpectedly heartwarming. While the movie never quite reaches this depth in Hannah and Archie’s relationship, this unexpected on-stage interaction between Archie and his dad rests on shared memory as a way to reconnect.

The intimacy of small moments—trying to call at odd hours, making childhood treats, finding the best local vegetarian restaurant—blossoms into the movie’s central meaning. Consideration can be the highest form of love, and it stems from true listening and really remembering the little things. As they navigate long-distance and conflicting schedules because of the demands of their new gigs, Hannah and Archie keep finding their way back to one another. However, “In Spite of Ourselves” makes it clear that both parties must work together and keep compromising. The movie never paints magic over the effort its main characters put in; it’s honest about the imperfections of learning how to live alongside another human.