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The Sealskin Was Always Mine: Remembering The Woman You Were Before You Were Told Who To Be

Do you remember the girl who was curious and excitable before she learned what was sensible? Do you recall the woman who had dreams before she became responsible for everyone else’s? Do you have a memory of what made you rock with laughter, ignite your creativity, made you feel sensual and loved and had you sharing ideas and opinions well into the early hours?

Or perhaps you remember the things that you were told were “too much?” Too outspoken, too loud, too emotional, too sensitive, too different, too adventurous, too wild, too independent?

The tale of the Selkie and the Sealskin

I remember reading the story of the Selkie and the Sealskin in Clarissa Estes Pinkolas’s book, Women Who Run with the Wolves. Something within me was so moved that I found tears softly trickling down my face. I was surprised as I hadn’t expected such a reaction from reading this story. And yet, something within me recognised myself in this old legend.

Perhaps you have read this tale? For those who haven’t, it is the story of a woman who lives between two worlds. She is a seal who can come ashore, shed her skin and take human form. But one day, her sealskin is hidden from her. Without it, she cannot return to the sea, and although she makes a life on land, something within her remains restless. She has lost the part of herself that knows who she really is. A part of her knows that something essential is missing. Eventually, she finds her skin. She puts it on and she returns to the sea.

The Woman You Were Told to Be

I recognised myself in this story. Perhaps you do too? I find myself wondering, how often throughout our lives have we put away our own “sealskin” in order to belong? Perhaps we learnt to quieten our passion for a life we dreamt of or maybe we made ourselves smaller, more accommodating and sensible to fulfil the needs of others. Sometimes we do these things out of love and other times, out of necessity.

There Is Still So Much to Live and Love

Whatever the reason may be, there often comes a time in a woman’s life when she feels that there is something within her that is calling out to be expressed, to be heard, seen, loved and nurtured. The dreams once silenced become whispers within our hearts and it can feel that the cost of hiding our essential self becomes too great.

For many women, that time can arrive in our 60s and beyond. The roles that perhaps once defined us begin to change. Children grow up, careers change, relationships alter, parents may no longer be with us. We may find ourselves standing in a quieter landscape where suddenly we can hear the sound of our own inner voice calling out to us, inviting us to come “home” to who we authentically are.

Don’t Die with Your Music Still Inside You

I remember my own mother telling me that she had a passion for writing and drawing and would have loved to have been a writer. However, she was sent to secretarial school to study shorthand and typing whereby she was told that she would always be employable and have a job. Years later, she finally enrolled on a writing course but died before she had the chance to complete it.

It reminds me of the late Wayne Dyers’ words, “Don’t die with your music still inside of you.” As I write this, I realise that I still have scores of music inside me and I need to write my words, dance my dances and remember where I have put my own sealskin. Somewhere along the way, I, like many other women, put away our dreams and sidelined what truly made us feel alive for things that we believed were more important. And, some of those things truly mattered – the people we loved, the energy we gave unconditionally and moments that filled our hearts.

Ask Yourself the Powerful Questions

As I approached my 66th year, I began to recall what it was like to hear my own voice and to wonder what I desired now, at this stage in my life. As a body confidence coach and writer, I love working with powerful questions and as I write this piece, the ones that come tumbling in are:

What makes you come alive?
What and where have you made yourself smaller?
What is it you truly want?
How do you desire to feel every day of your life?
What brings you joy or makes you feel content?
What makes you smile?
What brings you peace?

I Had Never Lost My Sealskin

And in asking these questions, I understood something deeper, something far more powerful and liberating in the story of the Selkie and the Sealskin. I understood that I was never lost. I simply became separated from a part of myself that was always mine.

This distinction is profound. The sealskin was never given to us by someone else, so it cannot truly be taken away. Perhaps life covered it over, perhaps relationships, responsibilities, work, expectations, caring for those we love, fear or giving our authority to someone else made us forget where we’d left it. However, through all those years, it remained ours.

And, maybe, this is the real secret of the story. It isn’t necessarily about finding a younger version of ourselves or re-inventing ourselves into someone new. Perhaps it’s about remembering. Remembering the woman who was always there beneath the noise, the roles, the compromises and expectations. Remembering the things that made us curious, passionate, mischievous, creative and brimming with aliveness.

The Sealskin Is Still Mine

As I reflect on the story of the Selkie and the Sealskin, I find myself thinking that perhaps the deepest message isn’t that we need to find ourselves again. Nobody has taken our essential self – she has been there all along. We may have forgotten her. We may have hidden her. We may have given too much of ourselves away. However, it is still ours and we can pick it up again and go swimming once more in the ocean of our dreams, hopes and wishes.

Perhaps this is the gift hidden inside getting older. The roles that once shaped and held us begin to loosen. We may have more space, perhaps a little more wisdom and if we are fortunate, a little less concern about what everyone else thinks. And in this space, something begins to stir. Our sealskin. It was always there and perhaps it is time to put it back on.

So, if like me, you have ever felt that you once lost your dreams, your energy or your passion, go find the thing that was always yours. Not your youth, not the way you looked, not someone else’s approval.

I would love your company as we walk this journey together. Join me on my Instagram page or connect with me via my website.