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Why You Learned To Blame Yourself As A Kid | Dr. Galit Atlas

Psychoanalyst Dr. Galit Atlas — author of the new book Come Closer, on how the child you once were runs your adult relationships — unpacking a mid-century insight into why children default to making themselves the problem.

"It is better to be a sinner in a world ruled by God than to live in a world ruled by the devil."

The line is from British psychoanalyst Ronald Fairbairn, and it captures a strange calculation the child mind makes. A kid cannot tolerate the possibility that the world they live in — their family, the adults they depend on — is fundamentally dangerous. That reality would be unbearable. So the kid arranges the story differently. They cast themselves as the sinner. Now the world can stay good, God can stay God, and there's a hopeful ending on offer: if I can fix myself, I can fix this.

Galit is careful: this isn't a blame-the-parents move. Even in "good enough" families, as Winnicott would call them, this shape installs itself. What worked to survive childhood becomes the default pattern of adulthood — the reflex to make yourself the problem so the world can stay safe.

You didn't invent your self-criticism. You inherited a strategy that once saved you.

Watch the full episode: https://youtu.be/EWhw_reHkSw

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Why You Learned To Blame Yourself As A Kid | Dr. Galit Atlas

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