Why You Never Feel Heard

???? Ever feel like nobody truly hears you? Learn why you never feel heard in relationships, the 4 pillars of connection, and how to feel heard. Practical relationship advice on communication.

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▶️Also watch:
1.How To Not Be Awkward - https://youtu.be/D_4S8lPyCTE
2. Signs Your Body Is SCREAMING to Leave Your Relationship - https://youtu.be/GRLoIE00Oyg
3. Brain Rot is Holding You Back - https://youtu.be/Yax__lDHEU0

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TIMESTAMP
0:00 - Introduction
0:59 - Chapter 1: "Your Body On Silence"
1:56 - Chapter 2: "The Four Pillars"
2:57 - Chapter 3: "Where It Started"
3:48 - Chapter 4: "The Familiar Trap"
4:42 - Chapter 5: "The Mistakes You Don't See"
5:50 - Chapter 6: "Why They Can't Hear You”
6:45 - Chapter 7: "The Digital Disconnect"
7:38 - Chapter 8: "The Enemy Inside"
8:29 - Chapter 9: "What Actually Works"
9:19 - Chapter 10: "The Paradox Of Being Heard"

???????? Here's a curated list of books and research papers that delve deeper into the ideas explored in this video. Some of the links are affiliate links, which help support the channel if you decide to make a purchase.

BOOKS
1/ Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
https://amzn.to/4ixZdmF
Explains how early attachment styles from caregivers shape adult expectations of responsiveness and why people are drawn to emotionally unavailable partners that feel “familiar.”​​

2/ The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
https://amzn.to/48MzEuT
Shows how relational trauma and rejection are encoded in the nervous system.​​

3/ Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin
https://amzn.to/3K7Y6xD
Connects nervous‑system regulation, attachment, and partner responsiveness.​​

4/ Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg
https://amzn.to/3MArmh1
Covers how to express needs clearly, avoid self‑invalidation, and use meta‑communication (“what I need from you right now”) so that empathy and respect are more likely.​​

5/ I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships by Michael S. Sorensen
https://amzn.to/48LfrWq
Focuses on practical, everyday emotional validation and simple listening scripts.

6/ Repetition Compulsion: The Psychodynamics of Self‑Defeating Behavior by Vittorio Guidano (and related psychodynamic texts on repetition)
https://amzn.to/48KT6bo
Discusses the drive to recreate early painful patterns in adult relationships.​​

7/ The Art of Empathy by Karla McLaren
https://amzn.to/3KaMhXs
Focuses on empathy as a specific skill distinct from caring or fixing, mirroring the distinction between emotional presence and problem‑solving.​​

8/ Deep Work by Cal Newport
https://amzn.to/48zx7TJ
Illustrates how fragmented attention and constant digital interruptions undermine deep presence.​​

9/ Emotional Agility by Susan David
https://amzn.to/3M4V91o
Describes noticing and riding emotional waves without over‑identifying with them, resonating with the 90‑second emotion window and stepping out of reactive communication.​​

10/ Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
https://amzn.to/3KloaW2
Addresses breaking familiar but unhealthy relational patterns, asking for what you need, and not over‑chasing validation from people who cannot really listen.​​

RESEARCH PAPERS
1/ Feeling heard: Operationalizing a key concept for social relations by C.A. Roos et al.
https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0292865
Defines feeling heard in terms of voice, attention, empathy, and respect.

2/ Trauma Reenactment: Repeating Attachment Insecurity in Adult Relationships
https://www.attachmentproject.com/psychology/trauma-reenactment/
Synthesizes work on repetition compulsion and attachment, explaining why people unconsciously recreate early neglect or dismissal in adult relationships.​​

3/ Repetition compulsion
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repetition_compulsion
Overviews the concept that people repeat traumatic relational patterns in an attempt at mastery.

4/ Repetition Compulsion: Why Do We Repeat the Past? https://www.simplypsychology.org/repetition-compulsion.html
Summarizes how individuals are drawn to relationships that echo earlier trauma, including abusive or emotionally unavailable dynamics.​​

5/ The 90‑Second Rule: How Neuroscience Can Stop Emotional Overwhelm
https://www.lisachentherapy.com/blog/the-90-second-rule-how-neuroscience-can-stop-emotional-overwhelm
Explains evidence that emotional neurochemical surges peak and begin to subside in roughly 90 seconds if not sustained by rumination.

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