Why You Obsess Over Unavailable Love ????

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If you grew up without enough love, you may find yourself imagining love where there is none. This can lead to a trauma bond with someone who is unavailable, creating an addiction-level obsession. It's as if you're trying to fill a void that can never be filled. The attachment can feel so strong that it becomes life and death. But what if you could break free from this cycle?

Anna Runkle calls this phenomenon the "eroticization of abandonment." It's when you're drawn to someone who rejects you, and the rejection becomes a form of attraction. This can be a result of childhood trauma, where parents were inconsistent in their love and attention. As a result, you may feel like you don't deserve love unless it's hard to get.

The form of trauma that many people experience is the inconsistency of love and attention from their parents. One day, they're lovey-dovey, and the next, they're cold. This primes you to feel a romantic attraction to someone who is unavailable. It's as if you're trying to recreate the trauma of your childhood in your adult relationships.

But there is hope. You can break free from this cycle of trauma and addiction. It starts with recognizing the patterns of your behavior and the trauma that drives them. By acknowledging the past and working through it, you can begin to heal and find healthier ways of loving and being loved.
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????️: Anna Runkl
????: Francesca Psychology Podcast
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