'don't Contact Me During Market Hours': Full-time Day Traders Open Up About The Trials Of Dating While Trying To Make It In Markets

• Full-time day traders say it's hard to find a partner who gets their career.
• Many believe they face stigma from potential partners who think they're gambling, traders told Business Insider.
• Time and lifestyle are also big constraints for traders looking to enter relationships, they said.

Having a girlfriend is either the best thing or the worst thing in the world if you make your living in the markets, David Villalobos, a 21-year-old day trader based in Colorado, said.

On the one hand, a partner offers something the market can't: companionship, an aspect of life Villalobos thinks many traders are deprived of. On the other hand, romance can be a distraction. Years ago, Villalobos was in a relationship in which his trading time plummeted from about 18 hours a day to zero.

"It can be very, very bothersome," he said of dating. "And if you have plans with them, it's like, am I going to prioritize the markets today or you today?"

Dating issues have quietly percolated among the growing ranks of full-time or nearly full-time traders in recent years, part of a larger discussion about loneliness among those who spend their days navigating the markets.

It's an unconventional path compared to a traditional 9-5, and those who have built careers trading often find that their jobs can pose a major romantic dilemma. It turns out that finding a partner who understands their lifestyle—much of which revolves around a screen and studying the markets at odd hours—is difficult, according to five traders who spoke about their dating experiences with Business Insider.

Some traders choose to abstain from dating altogether, but those who still give it a shot say they're united by a common set of challenges, such as dealing with stigma about the job or carving out enough time for their partners.

In many cases, they're searching for a mix of traits that make an ideal partner in any context: someone patient, understanding of their schedules, and ideally, easy to be around after a long day of trading.

Villalobos says he believes finding a life partner is more difficult for a trader than for someone in another profession. He thinks the difficulty among traders in the dating arena largely arises from the fact that many have limited time, and many are deeply entwined in a "hustle culture" that can create warped perceptions about dating and romance.

"They see them as distractions from these bigger dreams," he said of some men's thoughts about partners and dating.

'They don't understand it'

The first dating question: Do they accept your grind?

For traders, the answer is complicated. Many believe they face a stigma from potential partners, who often reduce their work to gambling or see their careers in markets as a financial liability.

There's some reason behind the caution. A 2020 study found that around 10% of retail investors met the criteria for compulsive gambling or problem gambling.

Another study found that 97% of traders who persisted for more than 300 days ended up losing money, after accounting for fees. Just 1% were able to make a profit, and it was often minuscule.

Bilaal Dhalech, a 30-year-old trader based in Toronto, says he thinks dating as a trader is a "lose-lose" situation. If a trader is profitable, a partner might write you off as a grifter. If a trader isn't making a ton of money, he believes many prospective partners might write them off as "risky."

"You could be that successful trader that has the nice clothes, the nice watch, and then people just see you as a scammer," Dhalech said.

"I used to be like, 'Hey, I invest in the stock market, or I'm a day trader.' Well, girls would just blow you right off, because they'd be like, 'Oh well, he's not successful,'" he added of his early career.

The issue also extends to women who trade full time, who say one of their biggest challenges is finding a partner who accepts their career.

Kenna Miles, a 25-year-old trader based in Puerto Rico, says she frequently tells people she meets that she works in finance.

"I have had people kind of just think I'm like this degenerate gambler that just is throwing money left and right at things," she said of dating. "In reality, I've spent hours and days and almost a decade studying this stuff, refining it."

Miles, who says she mostly meets partners through mutual contacts, said she believed her lifestyle as a trader also filtered her potential partners. In the past, she's mostly dated entrepreneurs, since they understand the idea that income might ebb and flow and the reality of irregular work hours.

"I would say that it's hard to find a long-term partner," she said. "It does come down to a lifestyle aspect."

Shay Huang, a 33-year-old trader based in Vancouver, also tells dates she works in marketing or finance. She now waits about a month before telling a partner she's a full-time trader to avoid judgment.

"If you tell them too early on, they don't understand it," she said. "I don't want to be known as a scammer."

"If it's not important, don't contact me during market hours"

The difficulty doesn't end with the matchmaking. Time and lifestyle are two other constraints, multiple traders said, pointing to factors such as the emotional toll of day trading and the fact that some also study the markets outside normal trading hours.

Dhalech, who met his current girlfriend online six years ago, said he's able to balance dating while trading largely due to their strong personality fit. His girlfriend is understanding of his schedule, which revolves around the market. They've also set rules to help him focus — like no talking to him during market hours unless it's an emergency.

"If it's not important, don't contact me during market hours," Dhalech said. "And I'm glad she puts up with that because there's times where she'll just talk to me about her day, and I'm just like, 'Well, I'm in a trade right now. I can't really talk. Talk to me after 4:00.'"

In return, he shuts off his phone at around 6:00 pm and isn't allowed to look at the markets in the evening.

Minwoo Lim, 28-year-old full-time trader based in Dubai, said his work has interfered with his relationship with his wife. Earlier in their relationship, he recalled an incident where she cried because she often wanted to go out while he stayed at home. Even when she was able to get him out of the house, he often spent the time on his phone, checking the market moves.

"The screen was my life. After that incident, my mind changed," Lim said.

He decided to make more time for her, reducing the number of hours he spent trading each day from 12 to eight. Now, he says they make a point to get coffee together every day.

Villalobos, who recently reduced his daily trading hours from about 18 to six, says he appreciates that his girlfriend is independent and has her own friends.

"'I got to be on the computer. I'm so sorry.' And she understands that, and she's totally okay with that," he said. "She knows I am doing it because I have a dream, and she's very happy that I'm pursuing something bigger than myself."

When asked to describe their ideal partners, the traders described a cluster of personality traits they believed would make an ideal match with their careers.

Independence is paramount, largely because it means a partner will be understanding of a trader's schedule. They also said a calming, gentle personality after a stressful day in the market is desirable.

"Very comforting and soft and gentle, especially after a long day," Villalobos said of a trader's ideal match. "The markets can be quite rigorous."