27 Ways Breadwomen Do Things Differently

Definition: The women who hold it down (intentionally or not) as their family’s primary or sole income earner. 

Synonyms: prov wife, ladyboss, superwoman, overachiever, execu-mom

1. Your end-of-day decision fatigue is so real, the choice between fried or steamed dumplings might just break you. 

1. Corporate speak (let’s put a pin in that / what’s the throughline? / Can we level-set a minute?) sometimes penetrates your everyday dialogue and nobody finds this cringier than you.

1. You can see a c-suite mantrum coming from ten miles away and will nod and agree and use the man’s favorite war metaphors (Survive and advance! Take no prisoners! All hands on deck!) to help him self-regulate. 

1. You make 74-83 cents to your male peers’ dollar and you’d accept even less if the dudes would collectively agree to stop mansplaining once and for all.

1. Your Calendar app is riddled with daily reminders (recurring and one-offs) that were scripted at 2am after a random thought like “pack Stella’s recorder for music class” or “redraft slide 3 in pitch deck” wakes you.

1. To “mark completed” is micro-orgasmic. 

1. You google yourself down a hypothetical side-hustle rabbit hole (“how hard is it to make money selling feet pics,” “pdfs as passive income,” “low-lift etsy shops that deliver,” etc) 10+ times a month.  

1. You refuse to delete calendar listings for meetings with employees who quit two years ago just to savor thirty minutes of blocked-off quiet time once in a while.

1. You prefer to own a calendar invite so you can delete meetings on the sly without sending cancellation notifications to others.

1. Your work wife keeps you sane because there’s really no bond like a work trauma bond.

1. You track literally everything — periods, sex, spending, saving, content to watch / read / listen to, and any ideas you have that might one day free you from your corporate nightmare. 

1. Your Notes app is a window into your soul.

1. Come evening, changing a diaper can feel like a treat because literal shit is more appealing than the metaphorical kind you deal with all day at work. 

1. You jump at the chance to mentor junior employees and share your professional growth story, all the while trying to silence the soundtrack in your brain screaming “GET OUT!” on repeat.

1. You know that sometimes you just need to be a hole for your husband or boyfriend (if you have one).

1. You’re definitely part of the 20% doing 80% of the work in all spheres, from school fundraisers to work events. “It’s a sickness,” you joke to friends and colleagues. 

1. When you say you’re going to disconnect entirely on vacation, it’s a lie. Even if you insist that all your direct reports “take vacation seriously.”

1. Inbox zero always. Except during brief periods of mutinous stupors, which reliably end with the realization that you do still need that motherfucking paycheck. 

1. You almost always raise your proverbial hand, even if you immediately regret it. 

1. You’ve seriously considered 127 seedy angles to filing for paid medical leave.

1. Do we really need medical insurance? is a question you entertain 4.62 times a day.

1. You’re constantly doing the mental math on what quitting looks like before realizing you’re shackled by golden handcuffs.

1. You love “dumb dinners” like sheet pan meals. 

1. You’ve tried and failed to recreate at least five viral TikTok recipes.

1. You daydream of being a trad wife, even if you don’t really want that life.

1. You believe in modeling empathy, but practice it better on everyone but yourself.

1. You were an early “lean in” acolyte. Now you just want to lay the fuck down.