50/50 Custody, Confirmed Choking Injury, But Court Says I Still Have To Send My Nonverbal 5yo Back—what Would You Do?

Hi everyone, I really need some advice and perspective here.

My ex and I have 50/50 custody on a 2-2-5-5 schedule. We have two kids, ages 7 and 5. My 5-year-old is nonverbal.

Last week, my 7-year-old came home and said their dad choked them during a tantrum. I’ll be honest—I didn’t fully believe it at first because they sometimes exaggerate stories. There were no visible marks at the time.

A few days later, my child was crying and begging not to go back to their dad’s house. I reassured them (which I now feel awful about), and they went for the weekend.

When I picked them up again, I noticed bruising on their neck in what looked like a hand pattern. I asked what happened, and they said again that their dad choked them and that he “got really mad.”

I took them to their PCP immediately. The doctor confirmed the bruising was consistent with trauma and had to report it. Police and DHHS/CPS got involved, and I was advised to file for a protection order. I did.

Here’s where things get really hard:

The judge granted a temporary PFA for my 7-year-old (so they are with me full time for now), but not for my 5-year-old because they are nonverbal and have no visible injuries.

That means I am legally required to send my 5-year-old to school tomorrow and allow their dad to pick them up—and they would be with him for the next couple of days. We have a full hearing in 3 days.

I am absolutely terrified for my younger child. They cannot communicate if something is wrong. Everything in me is telling me not to let them go until this investigation is complete.

But I’m also scared of the legal consequences of violating a court order. I don’t have a lawyer—I tried calling around, but retainers here are 8k–12k plus hourly, which I just can’t afford right now. I’m also 29 weeks pregnant, so this is all hitting at once.

For evidence, I currently have:

• Doctor’s report confirming trauma-related bruising • Photos of the neck bruising • A video of my 7-year-old describing what happened and stating their dad hits them (including face and private areas) • DHHS has already started an investigation and interviewed both households 

My ex is claiming it was a “bear hug” during a violent outburst and is also accusing me and my husband of harming our child (which is completely untrue).

I guess my questions are:

• is it common to be in a situation where only one child was protected and not the other? • What happens if I refuse to send my 5-year-old back—what’s the realistic worst-case legal consequence? • Is there anything I can do in the next 72 hours to protect my younger child legally? • What kind of evidence tends to matter most in these hearings? 

I’m trying to do the right thing, but I feel completely stuck between protecting my child and following the court order.

Any advice or experiences would mean a lot. Thank you.

Location: Maine

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