Coercive Control California

Location: California, USA

I need serious help. I don’t know where to start. I wish I would have thought to post here 2 years ago.

Trigger Warning: Suic*de attempt, abuse, false imprisonment, lame loser exes

To preface everything, my goal is to go to the police with these recordings and tell them what happened to me but I do not want to risk getting in trouble for having these recordings.

My ex was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive, I just got out of the relationship last month after 2 years. Some of the recordings date back to 2025.

If I turn in these recordings, will I get in trouble? I can’t afford a lawyer.. I don’t know what to do.

I had to move in with him due to illness and was sick for a long time. The illness did something to my brain because I ended up feeling really slow for a long time. My speech was different, my ability to respond was different. I have a hard time putting things into words. I was really confused the entire relationship and my ability to verbally defend myself was severely compromised. I went to the doctors several times and did not get a diagnosis. The doctors would say that it’ll go away in a year and when I came back to the doctor in a year, they just said that it was the natural progression of aging. I feel like he took advantage of me being vulnerable mentally and vulnerable financially.

I made the recordings without his consent and there is conflicting info on what is and is not legal. Some laws say it’s highly illegal, some say it’s legal if you’re recording a crime. Some of the recordings he was extremely abusive, some recordings were mild and could be plausibly deniable.

Most notable recordings:
- He was taking me to the hospital after I st*bbed myself in the neck. He was trying to convince me not to go, to take pressure off my wound, he was saying he’s going to get a DUI, that I’m ruining his life, berating me throughout the drive.
(I do not have a recording of what transpired directly before that. I st*bbed myself and told him to find a good home for the dog I was fostering. I was silent for a long time then I looked at him and said “you’re not even going to call an ambulance?” He refused to call an ambulance. I told him that I would. He said “I’m not doing shit for the dog if you call an ambulance.” Then I had to ask him several times to take me to the hospital.)
(I do have a few recordings of him escalating before I stabbed myself. Calling me evil then refusing to tell me what I did that was evil. He’s calling me an asshole and a dickhead, I keep asking him to tell me one thing that I did and he just deflects and keeps finding a way to play the victim.)

-He didn’t allow me to work so I went deep into debt. Eventually he let me work part time for a year and then I was able to work full time for a year. I don’t have recordings of this, just one part of a recording where he says “that’s why I didn’t want you working with other people.” He says this after admitting he’s been talking to a girl at work..
I would have left a long time ago if I financially could. Some of the financial issues were my fault. I kept fooling myself into thinking I could be with him so I’d spend my extra money on silly things since things were good. Then they’d get bad again. It was a cycle.

-He would block exits and I have it recorded of me telling him “this is illegal, you can’t get in my way like this.” Him replying “I’m not done talking to you.”
-I have a recording of me telling him later “You can’t block my exits even when we are fighting, that’s illegal.” Him once again reinforcing that he wasn’t done talking. He then says “Well, you’re legally not allowed to hit me.” And I say “You won’t leave me alone, you won’t let me leave, you won’t get out of my way, you can’t pick me up and put me back in the house, you’re pushing me out my limit.” And him saying “yeah but you’re legally not allowed to hit me.”

-I have a few recordings of him, not letting me sleep. Some of these recordings have me telling him that I don’t like going to sleep past 11 or midnight since I wake up early. He only wanted me to sleep at 2 AM or so when he was going to sleep. I have a few recordings of him guilting me or telling me that I’m punishing him for going to sleep earlier than 2 AM.

-Many recordings asking to be left alone and him not leaving me alone.

-Recordings of him promising to change and get better.

-Recordings of him guilting me for rejecting him. He wanted to massage me and I said no several times, then he guilts me for 20 mins.

-1 recording where I’m telling him no to s*x and crying, him then guilting me bc he hasn’t got it for a week and a half.

-I have recordings of him convincing me that it’s not me vs him, it’s me vs me, I have mental problems.. I take antidepressants so he used that against me a lot.

I do not have these recorded:
-when I told him I’ll go to the police he told me he’d show them pictures of bruises I gave him.
-if I tried to leave, he told me he would lock me out and he would not let me back in.
-Him refusing to call an ambulance for me.