Divorcing A Cop

Location: Pennsylvania

I am completely ready to divorce my husband, and honestly, would have left years ago if we didn't have 2 children. I am fully-aware that life will get incredibly difficult once I meet with an attorney to get the ball rolling, and I think I have been putting it off for years because I am afraid of the turmoil this will bring to our already combative relationship.

I feel like I need a little legal advice before I meet with my attorney.

My first concern is that my husband is a cop, and he has made many comments over the years about how great of a relationship he has with the DA, and local attorneys, judges, etc. Naturally, he is a real charmer, and is well-liked among the professionals in his field. He has told me before that if I tried to leave him, he would have one up on me because of his connections and the fact that he makes more money than me. He's said, "You know, they always place the child with the parent that makes more money." I know that's not true, but it's another concern I have. He makes significantly more than I do. We do not share finances (my choice because he is pretty controlling), and I make about half of what he does. I am a teacher, so my salary is pretty limited. I am worried that I cannot afford as good of an attorney, and in turn, could lose out.

My second roadblock is that we live in his hometown. I quit my job and moved here when we got engaged. I essentially gave up everything for our relationship, and it makes it tough because now I don't really have the resources and opportunities I would have if I were back home. If I leave my husband, am I logistically able to move back home (3 hours away) and still share custody of the kids? Would a judge ever consider that an option? Or am I pretty much stuck here until my children graduate? (They are ages 2 and 5.)

Finally, I am stuck on where I physically go during this process. Do I have to leave the home? It is in his name. Unfortunately, I cannot afford to rent a place by myself for an extended period of time.

I think he knows all of these barriers. He knows I don't have much money, and therefore I am kind of stuck. I believe he doesn't think I will ever file for divorce, and he sort of has the upper hand in all of this. However, I am extremely unhappy and I feel like the state of our marriage is negatively affecting our children. My oldest is having a lot of behavior problems, and my husband and I do not agree on parenting approaches (He believes in spanking and yelling, while I know that children need firm and consistent consequences and a parent that can regulate themselves.) We really don't see eye-to-eye on much of anything. I won't get into the details of our failed marriage, but even our marriage counselor basically told us there is nothing he can do to help us, and he quit scheduling appointments with us.

So, please tell me where to go from here and what my options are.

I know the divorce rate is high for law enforcement, so there are many women out there who have been in my shoes, but please just tell me how to get through this, logistically, and financially. I want to make sure I have my ducks in a row.