Not Sure Where To Go With This [usa]

Location: North Carolina/Virginia

So I’m not really sure where to begin with this so this may come off as rambling.

I have a child from a previous partner. That partner had children before me and has had children after we split making mine the middle child. They are crammed into a small living space, not big enough for all of them and are talking about adding to the family. They don’t have careers that afford them the things they actually need now and certainly won’t if another mouth to feed is added to the equation.

We currently don’t have a custody arrangement. One hasn’t felt like it was needed until recently. I’ve happily paid for everything my child has needed without question but barely get to see the child. We live an hour away from each other. My ex doesn’t feel it’s necessary to meet me half way for when I do get to spend time with my child and getting anything more than a day trip is like pulling teeth. We have been on one vacation together in their lifetime simply because my former partner is that controlling of the situation.

To add to the issue, cps has investigated but found nothing of substance with a different issue. Their home is always messy, almost to the point I feel like it’s a health issue. My child is having some medical issues and I’m in the dark on them.

Really this whole situation should have been avoidable, but now I’m kinda stuck. With no agreed upon arrangement already in place, navigating this is my challenge. Do I attempt to work something out with my former partner? Do I call CPS for a surprise visit? Do we go to court? Someone who has any experience in this, please offer me some form of advice!