Soon-to-be Ex-wife Won’t Let Me Keep The House, Even If I Buy Out Her Equity.

Location: Indiana, USA

My wife (28F) and I (31M) have been married for five years. We have a two-year-old daughter together, and we purchased a house less than two years ago.

After our daughter was born, my wife became a SAHM for a year before returning to work in July 2025. We send our daughter to daycare at my mom’s house, and we pay her $1,000 a month to take care of her.

My wife hated being a SAHM mainly because we were living paycheck to paycheck on my single income. She didn’t want me taking extra hours because she was exhausted from being at home with our daughter. I pushed her to get a job, and once she did, she became more frustrated about sharing expenses. She does not want to combine our incomes; rather, she wants me to pay for everything, and she would only pay for the extra stuff.

Since she started her new job, I have become the primary parent for our daughter. I wake her up, drop her off, pick her up, make her dinner, give her a bath, do her laundry, read her a book, work on potty training, and put her to sleep. On top of that, I also manage her appointments, doctor visits, arranging playdates, etc. (I’ve also been journaling this in my parenting diary for the past three months.)

She helps by doing the dishes and mainly does the shopping. Since I am “forcing” her to contribute financially, she is under the impression that she is doing her part.

Income:

• My income: $96000 a year.
• Her Income: $85000 a year.

Expenses:

• Mortgage: $2460
• Utilities: $400
• Car Expenses (gas, insurance & maintenance): $300
• Internet: $50
• Subscriptions: $60
• Diapers: $60
• Grocery: $800
• Shopping: $1000
• Total: $5130

We are typically $1,000–$1,500 over budget, mainly due to shopping or new furniture.

Both of us have discussed possible separation/divorce, and we both agree that we should separate. However, she got a bit frustrated when I mentioned 50/50 custody of our daughter, but she eventually agreed.

We are trying not to involve lawyers because neither of us can afford it.

Now, coming to the point of splitting the assets:

The house is worth $390,000, and the current mortgage balance is $354,000. That’s $36,000 in equity. After about 9% selling fees, we would basically break even with the mortgage balance.

• Car 1: $17,000
• Car 2: $33,000 (My wife's drives this car)

I first asked if she wants to keep the house. She does not, because it’s too expensive for her and she cannot afford my portion of the equity.

So I proposed that I keep the house and pay her $10,000, and she keeps the more expensive car. Her immediate reaction was instant NO, she has an emotional attachment to this house and does not want me to have it.

She said we both need to start over if she is going to commit to 50/50 custody of our daughter.

At this point, I don’t think it’s fair that I have to take a big financial loss and potentially disrupt my daughter’s routine just to meet her emotional needs. The house is expensive, but I can manage my finances a lot better than she can, and she will not budge.

Should I get a lawyer, or just take my losses and find a new place for myself?

EDIT:

Both cars are paid off.

I can afford the house because I have done it before when she was a SAHM. I can work with my mom on daycare cost as well.

I can probably bring down my cost to $4200 a month from my $5850 take home income.