Wife Filed For Divorce And Custody After Her Parents Moved In To Help With Our New Baby

33 M and wife 33 F, had our newborn just 4 weeks ago. Her family is Muslim (middle east) and I'm southeast asian. When on our own, we function great both as a couple and as a family. Tough family dynamics from maternal in-laws intensified during our first child 3 years ago. I got into an argument with her parents that time a few years ago and kicked them out, so she moved out separately with her parents - taking our newborn with her and leaving me at our apartment alone. At that time MIL clawed and attacked my father who was also at my home (both families visiting during the holidays) and then one night FIL made an aggressive charge at me which made me feel threatened and ultimately asked him to leave the property. MIL and FIL wanted to influence every decision in our family and with the first baby, even had him circumcised behind my back without my permission. I went to months of individual and couples counseling, eventually reconciled. She also underwent intense individual therapy about how to setting boundaries towards her parents. We've since moved across the country, started new jobs and recently moved into a forever home. The last two years after we moved away from her parents, our life was wonderful (which is why we decided for a second child). Because of how wary I was of her parents I tried to avoid them visiting and we had limited contact for the last 2 years. However, she specifically requested post partum for her parents to come visit and help with the newborn - reassuring me that we moved past what happened and she is a more independent woman now and can keep her parents at bay. Fast forward, one day after moving in, MIL tries to provoke an argument in my living room, and when I talked back, she physically put her hands and nails on my arms, and then threatened to hurt me. My wife and FIL were at the hospital tending to the newborn, so in that moment no one could control her and I called the police. Initially my wife and FIL apologized to me for MIL overreacting but since then they harbored resentment towards me and have tried to make me uncomfortable when I tend to my newborn daughter and hover over me. My communications with my wife were affectionate and normal prior to this incident and then experienced a sharp drop off since then. The three of them watch me like a hawk constantly, turn off my security cameras when I'm not looking, and speak in their language which I cannot understand. At times, out of frustration, I told me wife this wasn't going to work out if she didn't have her parents leave.​ I had hoped to wait it out til the parents leave and the newborn was old enough to go to daycare for our relationship to return to normalcy but suddenly received divorce/custody papers yesterday. No explanation and no mutual friends understand it. I have tried to talk to her but she refuses eye contact and says she only wants to talk through her lawyer and she is adamant about the divorce.

Culture has always been a big issue for us, but its not a problem when we are alone. Last two years since we were on the opposite coast our life has been great. I have tried to do whatever I could to prevent them from coming, knowing they would again influence her. When we first met 12 years ago, I noticed a pattern where she would become very emotionally aloof each time she went home to visit her parents and would come back to me asking to break up because I wasn't muslim, even though she loved me. She was abused as a child and has traditional Muslim parents. They attempted to marry her off numerous times while we were dating (part of which time she hid the fact that we were dating). They are both retired and seem to want to insert themselves into their children's lives and finances. The older siblings (males) have more or less abandoned the faith and have american wives that set boundaries to prevent the parents from reaching into their lives. My wife is the youngest one and always feels guilty that the brothers don't take care of the parents and feels obligated to take care of them.

Multiple times during our 12 years of knowing eachother she would "break-up" with me only to apologize and ask for reconciliation, telling me that she loves me. The last episode during our son's birth when they inserted themselves into our lives took almost a year and a half to free herself from, during which we lived separately and she with them. While I had considered it back then, there was no divorce filing and she was adamant she wanted to stay with me as a nuclear family. She underwent intense one on one therapy with a middle eastern therapist who specializes in family dynamics who helped her learn how to push back on them. Despite my unwillingness, she again invited them to our home and told me that this time they are only here to help with the newborn and will make no trouble. I'm not claiming to be a perfect husband or father, but I work very hard to keep our family afloat and dedicate all my outside of work time to my son. I'm shocked by how determined she is to end our marriage just 4 weeks after they moved into our house to help. She used to order in with me, and we had our own go to favorite snacks and desserts. Since they came, she has refused for me to even order a dessert to pick up for her and only eats her mother's cooking.​ In her attorney's demand letter she states that her parents funded the attorney fees and she wants to have me pay for her attorney. ​

My heart breaks knowing my 3 year old son and barely two month old daughter will have their homes shattered - a dream home that we moved into just months ago and decorated for the arrival of our new daughter. Each time I speak to my wife she is stone faced and just tells me to get a lawyer.

Location: California