It’s Not Your Imagination: Annoying People Are Literally Taking Years Off Your Life

The office colleague who takes credit for your work. The neighbor who makes passive-aggressive comments about the state of your lawn. The friend whose so-called compliments sting like insults. Any of these sound familiar? It’s an unfortunate reality of being human: Not everyone is going to be our cup of tea. We’ve all endured our share of fallouts, fair-weather friends and frenemies. Fact is, some personal and professional relationships are steeped in stress and filled with friction.

And they’re shaving years off our lives. No, really: A 2026 study has found that these negative social relationships not only take a toll on our emotional well-being but also on our physical health.

To learn more, we turned to the study’s lead author and two therapists who know how to handle annoying people. Here’s what you need to know about the long-term effects of difficult relationships and what you can do to diminish the damage.

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What did the study investigate, exactly?

“Our study looked at how the difficult people in our lives get ‘under our skin’ in a biological sense,” says Byungkyu Lee, PhD, an assistant professor of sociology at New York University and the lead author of the paper.

Published in February in the journal PNAS, the study analyzed data on more than 2,300 people between the ages of 18 and 103. Participants answered questions about their own health and shared information with researchers about their closest social contacts, including whether these contacts hassled them or made life difficult in some way. Turns out, nearly 30% of the study participants had at least one “hassler” (as the research team dubbed them) in their lives.

Next, the researchers calculated biological aging—which results from cellular and molecular damage—by taking saliva samples from each participant. This allowed them to compare the DNA of the participants who did and did not have hasslers.

“We measured biological aging using DNA-based tools called epigenetic clocks, which can estimate how biologically old your body looks compared to your actual age and how fast you’re currently aging,” Lee says.

So what effects do annoying people have on us?

More than just being briefly annoying or eye-roll inducing, hasslers can actually make us age faster. Yep, you read that correctly.

The researchers weren’t necessarily expecting that result. “What surprised me most was that these negative ties showed up not just in emotional well-being but in biological aging itself,” Lee says.

But what was not a surprise to the researchers was that our relationships impact our quality of life. That’s because the effects of difficult relationships are comparable to work or financial stress, and chronic stress can have a profound impact on us. “Social relationships are not only a source of support,” Lee says. “They can also be a source of long-term stress, and that appears to have real consequences for health.”

The cumulative mental and physical strain that stress causes over time (called the allostatic load) can negatively affect the immune, cardiovascular and metabolic systems, says Kathy Richardson, PhD, assistant professor of clinical mental health counseling at Lebanon Valley College in Pennsylvania. Stress is already a major risk factor for many diseases, including heart disease, type 2 diabetes, mental-health disorders, cancer and Alzheimer’s disease. When biological aging is faster than normal—thanks, in part, to lifestyle factors like smoking, poor diet and, yes, chronic stress—our cells sustain greater damage sooner, and those diseases can develop earlier.

How many years do hasslers take off our lives?

It depends on how many annoying people we deal with. “Each additional hassler is associated with roughly a 1.5% faster pace of biological aging and a body that appears about nine months older than expected,” Lee says.

A pace of 1.5% might not sound like much, but the effects can add up quickly if we have multiple friction-filled relationships. If you have one hassler, that means that chronologically you’d turn one year older at your next birthday, but biologically you’d age 1.015 years. If you have three people who really bug you, that number ticks up to 1.045.

“Biological aging is a cumulative process, and small amounts can turn into larger aging gaps over time,” says Richardson.

Who are the hasslers in our lives?

The study found that the closer someone is to you—literally or figuratively—the bigger their effect. Family hasslers, especially parents or children, were more detrimental, likely because there’s a sense of obligation, dependence, a shared living space or a combination of the three.

Interestingly, while other family and nonfamily hasslers had a negative impact on participants’ biological age, spouses did not. One explanation presented in the study is that these relationships likely contain a more balanced mix of positive and negative interactions.

Co-workers and roommates had more of an effect than friends and neighbors, likely because of power dynamics, some dependence and shared physical space.

Who’s most likely to have a hassler in their life?

The study found that women, caretakers and those who’ve had significant childhood trauma are most likely to have a hassler (or a few) in their lives. Other vulnerable groups include daily smokers and people in poorer health.

“Exposure to hasslers tends to cluster around individuals who may already be under strain,” says Krista Norris, a licensed marriage and family therapist and the owner of Conscious Connection Therapy Services in Texas. “Those individuals who have internalized roles as caregiver, over-functioner or ‘the strong one’ might be especially vulnerable. These roles often develop early and can unconsciously shape adult relationships, making it more likely [you will] attract or tolerate draining relationships.”

It’s worth noting: A woman may assume the role of caretaker even if she’s technically not one. “From a social standpoint, traditional gender roles presume women to be caretakers,” Richardson says, “and even if this is not a women’s role in a relationship, she may be pushed into that role by social norms.”

What should you do if you have hasslers in your life?

Many of us likely have at least one difficult relationship that stresses us out or makes us downright miserable sometimes. Here’s how the experts recommend you handle the hasslers.

Identify them

The first step is recognizing which of your connections fall into this category and how they affect you. “By identifying who they are and the impact they have, you can begin to better manage your response to them,” Richardson says.

Set limits

Depending on the nature of the relationship, it might be difficult to limit the time you spend with them. But boundaries can also come in nonphysical forms.

“It’s imperative to set and maintain boundaries,” Norris says. “Boundaries protect our emotional and physiological energy. It’s a signal to both yourself and others that your capacity is not unlimited.”

Accept that they (probably) won’t change

Attempting to change someone or hoping they’ll do it on their own is most likely a losing battle and a waste of energy, the experts say.

“Sometimes being able to say to yourself ‘This is just who this person is’ can allow you to have more compassion for yourself for dealing with them and more grace for them,” Richardson says. “We cannot change other people, but we can change how we react to them.”

Is there any way to counter the effects of hasslers on your well-being?

The good news is that there are ways to de-hassle your life—or at least minimize the effects. Certainly cutting ties with the person or limiting your interactions with them is one way to do this. Therapy or other support can also be helpful.

“When stressful relationships cannot be avoided, the goal may be to reduce their impact,” Lee says. “That can mean setting firmer boundaries, limiting repeated conflict where possible, seeking counseling or outside support, and investing in relationships that are more supportive.”

Focus on and nurture the positive relationships in your life, particularly ones that are balanced with equal give-and-take. “It’s important to invest in relationships where you feel seen and valued,” Norris says. “This study implies that feeling significant to others, not just needed, may be protective. These relationships support emotional regulation and resilience over time.”

Lee suggests getting involved in community-based activities, like volunteering or joining a hobby- or cause-based group, to connect with like-minded people. Plus, you’ll also get a boost from helping or working with others.

This is particularly beneficial for people with a small social circle. “Expanding and diversifying one’s network may reduce the biological toll of being stuck with one or two highly stressful ties,” Lee says.

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Sources:

• Byungkyu Lee, PhD, assistant professor of sociology at New York University and lead author of the study; email interview, March 19, 2026
• Kathy Richardson, PhD, LPC, NCC, assistant professor of clinical mental health counseling at Lebanon Valley College; email interview, March 23, 2026
• Krista Norris, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Conscious Connection Therapy Services; email interview, March 23, 2026
• PNAS: “Negative social ties as emerging risk factors for accelerated aging, inflammation, and multimorbidity”
• Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics: “Allostatic Load and Its Impact on Health: A Systematic Review”
• Nature Research Intelligence: “Allostatic Load and Chronic Stress in Health Outcomes”
• Biomedicines: “The Link Between Chronic Stress and Accelerated Aging”
• Nature Aging: “Nonlinear dynamics of multi-omics profiles during human aging”
• International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health: “Comprehensive Review of Chronic Stress Pathways and the Efficacy of Behavioral Stress Reduction Programs (BSRPs) in Managing Diseases”

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