20yo Named Sole Beneficiary Of Deceased Mother's $160k Nyu Tiaa Account + $150k Life Insurance. Estranged Father Claims 2024 Will Added Him And Siblings As Beneficiaries; Wants To Hire A Lawyer. What Are My Rights

Location: New York City (Kings County / Brooklyn)

Im 20 years old, turning 21 in October. My mother passed away approximately two months ago. I grew up in severe poverty and spent the majority of my adolescence (from age 12 onward) in institutional congregate care programs and locked facilities as a troubled-teen industry survivor. I have a long history of housing instability and only transitioned out of the NYC shelter system into my own apartment four months ago.

I was estranged from my immediate family, including my father, for years and only had brief, limited contact with them shortly before my mother passed. My father paid for her funeral expenses out of pocket. Since finding out about the funds mentioned below, he has made passive comments about struggling financially while simultaneously telling me he "doesn't need help" when asked directly.

He has now stated he is consulting an estate/probate lawyer. Specifically, he claims my mother updated her will in 2024 to add him, my sister, and my brother as beneficiaries to divide everything equally, and insists this will makes them co-beneficiaries of the accounts.

The Financial Assets in Question:

* NYU / TIAA Retirement Account (~$160,000 USD):

My mother was an employee at New York University (NYU). I recently received formal correspondence from TIAA and NYU identifying me as the named beneficiary of a retirement account valued at ~$160,000. The paperwork outlines options to roll the funds into investment/annuity products through TIAA and specifically mentions clauses regarding reaching age 21 next month. It does not list any co-beneficiaries.

* Life Insurance Policy (~$150,000 USD):

My father also stated there is an additional $150,000 life insurance claim waiting for me as the designated beneficiary. I do not currently have the policy paperwork or carrier details in hand.

I have no prior experience managing assets or dealing with estate administration. I have not signed anything, moved any funds, or agreed to any disbursements.

My Specific Legal & Procedural Questions:

* Beneficiary Designation Forms vs. 2024 Will (NY EPTL § 13-3.2 / McCarthy v. Aetna):

Under New York law, does an updated will executed in 2024 have any power to supersede or alter a direct beneficiary designation on file with TIAA or the life insurance carrier? If the 2024 will explicitly purports to divide her retirement or insurance among four family members, does that have any legal effect against the beneficiary forms registered directly with the financial institutions?

* ERISA Spousal Consent vs. Plan Administration:

Because this account was tied to her employment at NYU (likely an ERISA-governed 403(b)), what are the rules regarding spousal consent? If TIAA already verified my beneficiary status and sent distribution paperwork directly to me for the full $160,000 balance, does that indicate any required spousal waivers were already satisfied on file, or could my father challenge the designation under federal ERISA rules?

* Spousal Elective Share & Testamentary Substitutes (NY EPTL § 5-1.1-A):

Can my father assert a right of election against the retirement account or the life insurance policy? Under NY law, are life insurance proceeds payable to a designated child exempt from the augmented estate calculation for elective share purposes? Can an estate attorney force these funds to reimburse him for her funeral costs or estate debts?

* Locating & Filing the Life Insurance Claim Independently:

If my father or the estate executor refuses to provide the policy number or carrier name, what is the best way to track it down? Can I request this information directly from NYU Benefits / HR as an immediate family member and potential named beneficiary?

* SECURE Act / Age 21 Threshold on the Retirement Account:

What is the legal significance of turning 21 next month regarding my status as an Eligible Designated Beneficiary (minor child of the account owner) versus triggering the standard 10-year distribution rule under the SECURE Act? Does establishing the account before vs. after my 21st birthday affect my distribution schedule or required minimum distributions (RMDs)?

* Account Retitling & Tax Mechanics:

What specific steps must I take to ensure the TIAA funds are transferred via a direct trustee-to-trustee transfer into an Inherited/Beneficiary IRA so it remains tax-sheltered, avoiding an immediate, fully taxable lump-sum distribution under federal, NY State, and NYC tax codes? In contrast, am I correct that the $150k life insurance death benefit is generally received income-tax-free under IRC § 101(a)?

* Protective Measures:

Can an estate executor or my father administratively freeze disbursements from TIAA or the life insurer without a formal court injunction or interpleader action? What precautions should I take to prevent third-party interference while claims are processing?

Any guidance on New York probate statutes, non-probate asset rules, and NYU/TIAA beneficiary claims would be deeply appreciated.

Mentioning that this was polished by Gemini AI, I am not skilled enough to understand or discuss this conversation at the length that this AI has written this.

Update: my dad is informing me that she's been investing money into a social security account, upwards of millions, and that for some legal reasons we can't touch it. Is that accurate?