Back In Court The Day The Day Restraining Order Expired

Location: Wisconsin

I (mother) left my ex (father) 4 1/2 years ago (never married) we had a 6 year old daughter at the time. He didn’t take the break up well and strangled me in front of my kids from another relationship (shared daughter was asleep inside the house), when they confronted him on the abuses they endured from the other side of a window. This was caught on camera and charges were pressed. He plead guilty to battery with DV and got 2 years probation and I also got a 4 year restraining order.

In family court he was assigned supervised visits at a center until the free center closed and then I had friends do the supervision. The people at the center said he never did anything wrong but his interactions with his daughter “felt off” so they couldn’t really offer anything for the attorney at litem. The supervisors felt uncomfortable with him at their homes but public meet ups devolved into him taking every opportunity out of ear shot to ask my daughter probing questions about me. She returned crying on multiple occasions because of this and other reasons.

He is very manipulative and somehow got the attorney at litem inclined to recommend unsupervised overnights even though he was sleeping on his mothers couch because his sister lived there as well with her children (same living situation currently) and there wasn’t room for him. Luckily he was arrested for last court date (for stalking me despite the retraining and no contact orders) so the supervised visits upheld and he stopped requesting visits through the court ordered app. I don’t now why he was never revoked as he got a dui, never sought employment, and didn’t take the mandatory dv, parenting, or alcohol classes.

The restraining order expired in June and on the day the order expired he filed a handful of motions in family court against me. Requesting I be held in contempt for withholding his daughter despite him not requesting visits. The judge denied all his motions and recommended a different motions be filed to change placement orders. I filed these to decrease potential visits and to switch back to a supervision center and a modification to child support as he hasn’t paid anything and is currently in the arrears by $24,000 nor is the current order including the health insurance I pay.

Mostly my concern is to protect my daughter. She is very much a people pleaser and he can be very manipulative and that could be very toxic to a 10 year old and to protect myself as when he strangled me he yelled that he “promised me until death”. Considering the day he filed his motions I truly believe that was an attempt to intimidate me and not really about my daughter and shows that he has not stopped his obsession over me leaving him.

He is refusing service. The sheriff stated that people were present but refused to answer the door. I don’t know what to do now. What can I do to have him served? And is there anything I can do to help maintain the distance? I feel that the best defense is a good offense. I have moved and he doesn’t have my current address and I have been made aware that unless I am under immediate threat or attacked physically again I cannot get another restraining order. I want us to be safe and to me he is an extreme threat to our safety. I have contacted the da to request he be charged with criminal failure to pay (anything to keep him away), but they said they just don’t have the resources. I have anxiety spirals that he will hurt my daughter like he hurt me because if he was willing to kill me if he couldn’t have me, how does he feel towards his daughter. I cannot afford representation, but am terrified that even going back to court we may be assigned an attorney at litem again that he will again convince he’s being slighted and try to pursue unsupervised visits. I cannot risk my daughter and would rather his ire be directed at me than have her seeing him in uncontrolled situations.