Deceased Grandmother - Mentally Unstable Father Is Refusing To Believe It Is Her That Is Dead

Location: Minnesota, Wisconsin, USA

About a month ago, courts got involved to appoint a guardian for my grandma after the assisted living facility my dad and grandma were both living at reported my dad’s negligence in taking care of her. There was a court appointed guardianship services and case worker assigned to my grandma for the time being while these court proceedings were taking place. She was in and out of hospitals and a memory care facility during this time. I had been meaning to get up there this past month but I have a high risk pregnancy and between doctors appointments and my severe nausea and anxiety it just wasn’t possible to get out there until it was too late. Apparently, in Minnesota the guardianship ends at the time of death and the guardianship services tell me they have no info on her finances, will or burial arrangements. My dad was an only child and her husband died 30 years ago. Her siblings are deceased so my dad is her next of kin and I believe I would be next since I’m her oldest grandchild. I’ve contacted family (nieces and nephews) of hers and got the info on where her burial plot is located and a picture of the headstone that already has her name and birthdate on it. I have not had any luck figuring out what lawyer she may have filed her will with but I would imagine she does have one. How can I go about locating a will or burial arrangements?

My dad has been mentally unstable for 28+ years. He’s never had an official diagnosis beyond depression, but it is very obvious he’s likely schizophrenic. He’s always had delusions about people being after him or our family. He has obsessions about the police departments in Missouri and Wisconsin (where the majority of his and my mom’s side of the family are located) which is a big reason he moved to Minnesota. He also has a lot of obsessions about air and water quality. I could go on and on, but it’s basically impossible to have any sort of relationship with him. A few years ago my dad took over care of my grandma. They’ve lived in various assisted living facilities. Unfortunately, I had not been up to see her in a few years so I wasn’t unaware of how much her health and memory had deteriorated. I feel awful for not doing more. Because this guardianship services had taken over my dad had not been involved in all of her day to day care. He feels wronged by them. It’s all a very long story. Basically she was recently admitted to the hospital and moved from the memory care facility to there. He went to visit and claimed this woman was not my grandma. He says she has the same name and looks similar but it is not her. Then she passed shortly after and he’s still refusing to acknowledge it is her. It’s so insane but he literally thinks she’s been abducted. He thinks this was all like a big scheme with the guardianship services and some unknown entity that’s out to get us to have her abducted. He skirts around the questions when I ask what motive anyone would have to do this to a 90 year old woman and starts ranting about true crime abductions he’s heard about. There’s just no reasoning with him. Because of his refusal to acknowledge her death, she was transferred to a random funeral home in Minnesota that the guardianship took her too. The guy is basically waiting to bury her until he can get my dad on board with what’s happening (which will likely never happen). He’s not agreeing to have her cremated for multiple reasons (not sure why he cares if it “isn’t her” but he can’t explain that one either). The guy at the funeral home also makes it seem like I have no options in this unless my dad signs it over to me. The funeral home applied for state funding to get her buried. I unfortunately don’t have money to get her buried, but I’m also frustrated because I know previous arrangements were made and likely paid for or had money allocated for. My dad has admitted she has life insurance and retirement accounts. I have no idea how much. I’m just completely at a loss on what to do. I’ve never had to plan a funeral so I’m completely out of my element on how to even go about this. I’m pregnant again after losing a baby in February and this stress is really getting to me and I know it’s not healthy. I’m frustrated because everywhere I turn to for answers I just keep getting told “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help” yet no one has any answers. I feel like I’m the only one who seems to care and wants her to get buried where I know she would want to be laid to rest. I know this is a lot and I’m rambling, but I’m just looking for any advice I could get on locating a will or accessing money she may have put aside for her burial. I think my dad knows he just isn’t forthcoming with any info since he is refusing to believe this is her.