Extremely Scared Of Returning To Mom’s House After Visitation, But Emergency Order Was Denied. Would I Do More Harm Refusing To Go Back?

Location: Florida, and dad in North Carolina.

I am 16 years old and live with three brothers (two 6 yr olds and one 7) with my mom who has physical custody of us. I’ve been with her for about 3 years now, with the first year being because she ran off with us without telling my dad. Now that she has custody, she entirely dropped being a mom altogether and has made me take over that role for her.

We are currently living in and out of hotels and motels after being evicted due to her and her boyfriend’s refusal to pay our apartment complex’s landlord. Her boyfriend is violent and an alcoholic. A lot of the time, our fridge would have more beer than it would food. My brothers also had access to these things and even chewed some of his nicotine patches. They would go around saying to me and teachers that they wanted to drink beer like him which made them concerned but never took any action. They both are extremely neglectful and leave me to watch all three. On top of that, they both use my mental health as a weapon against me. I have been in and out of inpatient treatment for severe depression and attempted suicide. They both would insult me, degrade me, and threaten me for almost 2 hours in three different occasions with both even threatening to physically hurt me if I ever spoke out. They also made plans to actually jump my dad and my mom told her boyfriend she’d get him an alibi. Her boyfriend has kicked down doors and caused physical damage while drunk and threatening physical harm which terrified me and my brothers constantly. He left weapons around and out in the open including a loaded pistol.

On the 31st of December, I went to my dad’s and told him everything that was happening and he immediately was concerned for our safety. He filed for emergency custody order but it didn’t go through. A custody modification was ordered, but the time for a hearing hasn’t been decided. I go back on Saturday and I am terrified to do so. I am worried that it will send me into a spiral I won’t get out of. What can I do? If anything? The situation has not changed and has in fact gotten worse. I have considered going to the ER here and explaining the state of my mental health, risking inpatient again. Or even flat out refusing to go but I don’t want my dad in trouble of contempt of court. She’s also withholding my medication. Any advice would be extremely helpful.