I Want Justice, But It Would Tear My Family Apart.

Location: MA

hi. i'm writing this from a new account because i want to remain anonymous. content warnings for sexual abuse. alright cutting to the chase i (just turned 21MTF) was sexually abused from the ages of 10-17 by my older brother (25M). I won't go into details because no one asked and it's not their problem, but needless to say that messed my life up beyond comprehension. i did and still feel broken, and have been in and out of therapy for about 4 years and have been through dozens of medications in an attempt to find something that would let me feel normal again. I have been professionally diagnosed with OCD, CPTSD, DID, MDD, and ADHD since. I think it's clear what resulted in what for some of those haha. Sorry, not funny.

Anywhosies, I told my parents what happened about a month after I turned 19, which was 4 months after my parents separated and I moved in with my mother (50F). She immediately sounded panicked after I told her and she asked the questions everyone asks at first, trying to find a "gotcha" somewhere in there because it feels impossible to fathom. She broke down. I had never seen her cry quite like that. Anyway, I eventually convinced her to be the one to tell my father. I couldn't.. I couldn't bear to hear his response. My brother still lives with him and my parents are both trying to convince him to go to therapy, as he continues to be incapable of managing his anger without getting everything he wants. Before you ask if I did anything to earn it, or if I did anything to prevent it, I was raised irish catholic and my family is mostly italian/irish. Family is everything. I detest when they call that man my family, I hold to this day the notion that family doesn't do that. He was no longer my brother the first time he laid a hand on me. And yet, here we are. I'm failing college because I'm too depressed and anxious to leave my dorm, I can't land a job because I don't have enough experience according to most places, despite having worked since I was 17 (4 jobs total on and off, but you get the point). I am in an unfathomably large amount of student loan debt (still got 2 years left D:). I have some friends, people tell me I'm compassionate and silly and sweet. I have a girlfriend, we're long distance right now but I dream of the day that is no longer an issue.

Anyway sorry for the traumadump yap sesh lol sorry if that was a lot to take in or felt disjointed. All this to say. I want justice, but my parents would never support that. They, especially my father (61M), push the claim that my brother doesn't deserve to be put on a registry or go to prison, and my brother has told them numerous times that if he goes to prison he will k*ll himself. I didn't tell anyone when I was a kid because my brother said I would go to prison too, and he'd kill me if I tried to tell anyone, or he'd hurt my parents. He broke the lock on my door. He'd shove past the chairs I'd put under the knob. He'd chase me and pop out from behind corners like some sort of cartoon villain. Before you ask, yes he is a redpilled loser with no prospects who has punched a hole in one of our doors before because we (politely) woke him up on his 18th or 19th birthday around 11 AM because his at-the-time girlfriend had come over to surprise him and we decorated his door with red and blue streamers (his favorite colors).

Anyway. I wanted my brother back. I couldn't have that. Now I want my life back. My apologies if this sounds harsh, but I think he more than deserves prosecution. Is there a way I could like file a lawsuit to get financial compensation at least to pay for the therapies and medications my mother has had to pay for as a result of his actions, as well as the emotional damage it has caused? which by the way my parents hold that over my head, that i dont have a job and havent finished college and they pay for my therapies and medications and food and housing (all fair). Anyway. So, reddit, what should I do?