Separated During Pregnancy, Husband In Air Force, Now Wants Uncontested Divorce Stating No Child

Location: New York ( MINE ) “ex” Husband location (North Dakota)

Hi everyone, I’m looking for general advice or insight on a custody/divorce situation. I’m not trying to bash anyone, just want to protect my child and understand how courts may view this.

My husband (25, almost 26) and I (21) have been separated since November 2024, when I was around 10 weeks pregnant. At the time, we were living in North Dakota. He still lives there, and I moved back to New York, where my entire family and support system is.

The reason I left was infidelity and ongoing issues. I found out he was cheating on me and texting other women behind my back. After I moved, multiple women reached out to me with proof that he had bought them plane tickets to visit him, including screenshots of texts, FaceTime calls, and messages from his phone number.

There was also an incident shortly before I left that really impacted me. He had just had his wisdom teeth removed and asked me to get him a drink. When I reached for the cup, he turned his head and accidentally bumped into mine. He immediately got up screaming at me, accusing me of doing it intentionally. I apologized repeatedly, but he continued yelling and later said, “It’s like me punching you in the stomach and saying it was an accident.” I never laughed or made light of it, but he insists I did.

After I moved back to New York, I decided not to pursue reconciliation. I am now in a new relationship. I understand it may seem fast, but I’ve known my current partner for years, and we’ve been together for about a year now. He treats my son as his own.

When I told my (ex) husband about my new relationship, he became extremely angry and said I “ruined his chance of being a dad” and that everything was my fault.

My son is now 7 months old. My husband:

Was not present for the birth

Did not sign the birth certificate

Has never met our child

Has never FaceTimed or asked to see him

Has never sent money, diapers, wipes, formula, or anything at all

For the past 8 months, I have repeatedly asked him to send something for our child (even just a $40 box of diapers), and he has never done so.

He is in the U.S. Air Force. He now wants an uncontested divorce and wants the paperwork to state that we do not have a child together, which I am not comfortable with.

I’m worried about custody. I keep hearing mixed advice like “courts don’t care about documentation, they only care about money,” and that scares me.

For context:

I live in New York with my son

I have my own apartment

I do not currently have a vehicle (my license is suspended from a speeding ticket from before I was pregnant)

I work 4 jobs (2 are off the books); I can bring my son to 3 of them

I cannot afford a private lawyer, so I would need legal aid

My husband:

Has a salaried job

Has a vehicle

Has his own apartment

Does not have family in the same state as him

His reasons for not being involved have been:

I live too far away

He’s in college

He “can’t take care of a child”

My biggest fear is losing my child or being forced into a situation that isn’t safe or stable for him. I’m trying to do everything right and act in my son’s best interest.

Any general advice, especially about custody across states, military involvement, or refusing an uncontested divorce that ignores the child, would be appreciated.

And he said if I go for child support he will get the best legal service possible available to him through the government and he said that I was threatening him by saying I was going to legally go to court over this