Wife Has Hit Me In Front Of Our Kids. I Feel The Cops Lied To Me

My wife has been a stay-at-home mother for approximately six years. I work 50–65 hours per week on the graveyard shift and handle most household responsibilities including grocery shopping, scheduling medical appointments, and taking the children shopping and to activities. My mother lives with us and often watches the children while I sleep for work. My mother is also concerned about my wife’s behavior and lack of childcare involvement.

Location: Oregon.

Timeline of Events 1) Morning argument in front of children

On the morning of January 26, I chose to allow my stepdaughter (10) to sleep in slightly before waking her for school. My wife woke up, became angry, and began yelling at and belittling me in front of our children. She called me a “worthless piece of shit husband” and said I was a terrible parent.

Her yelling woke our youngest daughter (5), who is autistic. My wife then began yelling at my stepdaughter to hurry and get to the car. She took my stepdaughter to the bus stop. Normally I give my stepdaughter rides to school on Mondays as part of our routine.

2) Continued verbal aggression on the porch

After returning home from the bus stop, my wife immediately began yelling at me again, this time in the living room in front of our youngest daughter. I attempted to avoid conflict and walked outside to the back porch with my coffee. My wife followed me outside and continued yelling and insulting me, including calling me weak and fearful. This continued for several minutes.

3) Wife raises hand toward my face / phone falls

At a certain point I stood up and began yelling back. As I stood, my wife quickly moved her right hand toward my face. Instinctively, I swatted her hand away to protect myself. I did not realize she was holding her phone in that hand. Her phone flew out of her hand and hit the ground.

My wife then stated she was audio recording.

4) First slap

Immediately after the phone fell, my wife slapped me in the face with her right hand.

5) Second slap in front of our autistic daughter

I attempted to de-escalate and went back inside to the living room with our youngest daughter. My wife ran inside after me, yelling profanity at me in front of our daughter.

I did not hit or yell at my wife. Instead, I began barking like a dog to distract my autistic daughter from the situation (our daughter sometimes copies barking). My wife did not stop. She slapped me again with her right hand in front of our daughter.

I sustained a cut on the left side of my cheek from my wife’s ring during one of the slaps.

6) 911 call / wife flees with child

After being slapped the second time, I told my wife I was calling the police. While I was on the phone with 911, my brother entered the home after hearing yelling from the porch. My brother witnessed the second slap.

During the 911 call, my wife grabbed our daughter and fled to her car. She drove down the driveway recklessly at high speed. I reported this to the dispatcher while it was occurring. I did not chase her.

Police Response / Concerns About Officer Conduct

Approximately 40 minutes later, a sheriff arrived at my home. Before arriving, the officer contacted my wife by phone and met with her first.

I provided the officer with a detailed account of the incident. My brother also provided a witness statement confirming he observed the second slap.

The officer told me that my wife could press charges against me for “harassment” based solely on the fact that I swatted her hand away when it moved toward my face. He described my wife’s first slap as “retaliation” for that.

The officer told me I could press charges for my wife slapping me in front of our daughter, but warned that if I did so there was a likely chance DHS would take our child away. He suggested the “easiest thing” would be to get a restraining order.

I asked about my wife grabbing our child and driving recklessly. My wife told police I chased her, which is false. I was on the phone with 911 when she fled.

My wife also claimed I scratched her left hand and that this would be enough to charge me. I swatted her right hand away, not her left.

When I asked the officer why my witness statement was being disregarded, the officer looked at my brother and stated that he “didn’t see anything,” despite my brother’s statement.

Based on these interactions, I believe I was misled and that my report and witness were not taken seriously.

Aftermath

Later, my wife texted me saying she would return home if I did not “harass, berate, or endanger” her. When she returned, she told me the officer attempted to get her to press charges against me.

The next day, my wife posted on Facebook stating that I endangered her and the girls. When I confronted her, she blocked me.

Since the incident, my wife has been acting as though she is a “perfect role model mother,” but I am concerned about ongoing manipulation and the safety and emotional well-being of our children.

What do I do? I'm just so confused.