(soon To Be)ex Says I Caused His Mental Health Decline. How High Is The Bar For An Emotional Distress Claim, And How Should I End Contact Safely?

Throwaway account for obvious reasons.

I’m trying to permanently end a relationship that became extremely volatile and psychologically twisted. My soon to be ex is currently on mental health leave from a very stressful job, and I am worried that he may claim I caused his mental health decline or sue me for emotional distress (and possibly lost wages).

Maybe I am completely overthinking this. I genuinely don't know anymore.

What worries me is how he characterizes things. He has repeatedly called the way I spoke to him “verbal violence” and sometimes “illegal.” He has said that verbally it felt like I had my “knee on his neck” or was “strangling” him. To be absolutely clear, these were metaphors for arguments. Nothing physical like that ever occurred. I repeatedly asked him not to use violent language to describe me, but he continued. I used to think he was hyperbolic, but now I am concerned for legal reasons...

(Just to be clear, I never threatened him, stalked him, financially controlled him, physically harmed him, or intentionally tried to cause him psychological harm. We also never lived together.)

Recently he has said that I “broke” him and drove him to his “most suicidal rock bottom,” etc.

At the same time, he continues to tell me I am the love of his life, woman of his dreams. It is all very confusing. I need to get out of this intact somehow.

The things he is referring to as “illegal” and “verbal violence” are things like me calling him “shady,” saying that he overlapped relationships, or what he says were my “unfair accusations” that he was messing around with or interested in other women. Things of that nature. And just to be clear, he did lie to me early on about hooking up with someone and had a number of blurry relationships with exes who supposedly still had feelings for him, so trust was rocky.

I am also worried because he has started insisting I said things I don't believe I said, and telling me I am forgetting a lot. I feel like I am being gaslit, but it also makes me nervous legally.

I broke up with him a few weeks ago, but he keeps wanting to have “repair” conversations and it almost seems like he does not accept that it is over. Like that conversation somehow got erased. I need to make it fully over now, make it clear this time, and stop responding. None of this is easy, and honestly this legal fear is one of the things keeping me stuck.

My immediate question is what I should put in writing when I end it again. He has punched walls/slammed things during arguments and frightened me physically, but I never documented those incidents in texts at the time. Do I mention them now as part of why I am ending contact? Or is that a terrible idea?

Other things that may or may not be relevant:

The second to last time I saw him, I fainted twice during an extremely intense argument where he was pressing me to admit to things I did not believe were true.

The last time I saw him in person, he told me he was taking medication to prevent himself from hurting himself “or anyone else.” I asked what that meant and he wouldn't say. Later he told me he was taking the medication inconsistently. The next time he asked to see me, I had a full blown panic attack and did not go. I have not seen him in person since.

Also, and this is part of why I am worried, he previously said that his mental health leave and an explosion at work were because his boss was cruel and unfair. He also had extremely intense conflicts with another person in his life before our relationship became volatile. More recently, though, he increasingly seems to attribute his deterioration to me, saying things like “you broke me.”

I also think he may be recording our conversations. I have seen him record other conversations. I know I live in an all-parties-consent state. I am wondering both what I should do about that and whether recordings made without my consent could somehow be used against me.

Ooof. This is hard to even write. I haven't been sleeping and I really need some outside perspective.

Basically, my top questions are:

How high is the bar for intentional or negligent infliction of emotional distress when what actually happened was a very bad romantic relationship with intense arguments? Does any of this sound like the kind of thing that could realistically support a claim?

And if he did sue me someday, what would a lawyer wish I had done right now? What should I preserve, document, or avoid doing before I end contact for good?

Location: CA