[wa] Falsely Accused Of Sexual Assault By A Coworker Trying To Understand How To Handle The Aftermath

Location: Seattle, Washington

I'm posting this because I'm trying to get some perspective from people who have either dealt with something similar or understand workplace investigations. I'm intentionally leaving out names, exact dates, employer, location, and other identifying details because the investigation is still ongoing.

For some background, I work for a large company and have been there for a couple of years. I recently became involved with a coworker. It wasn't some random one-night interaction between two strangers. There was a period of getting to know each other beforehand.

We initially met through work and started talking outside of work. She gave me her number, we went out for coffee, talked about our lives and families, and eventually planned an actual date. There were some mixed signals and some interpersonal drama afterward, but we continued communicating.

At one point she came to my home after work. We spent time together, watched a movie, kissed, and became physically intimate. We did not have sex that night. There was actually a conversation where she explicitly established a boundary about what she was and wasn't comfortable doing, and I respected it.

After some time apart, we started talking again.

Eventually we arranged to meet privately at a hotel. Before that happened, we had been communicating about our relationship and where things stood. She expressed doubts about whether I genuinely liked her as a person or was primarily interested in her physically, and I told her that wasn't how I viewed her.

When we met, we talked for a while before anything sexual happened. She told me that she was attracted to me but didn't see us becoming a serious relationship at that point. We continued talking and eventually started kissing and becoming intimate.

From my perspective, the sexual interaction was consensual. There was even a point where she told me that she wanted me to ask before touching her in a particular way, and I did. Before sex, I asked whether she wanted to have sex and, according to my recollection, she agreed.

There was also a practical conversation about protection, during which I offered to obtain a condom. I placed an order and showed her the confirmation. The encounter continued.

At one point during sex, she told me she was having what she described as a panic attack. I stopped immediately, withdrew, and told her that we didn't have to continue. We got dressed afterward, and I walked her out.

I didn't receive a message from her afterward saying that she felt unsafe or that she believed I had assaulted her.

The next interaction I remember was at work. She was distant toward me, but I didn't confront her about it. At one point she told me she was seeing someone else and didn't want me talking to her. I respected that and left her alone.

Then, after I had been away from work for a short period, I came back and was unexpectedly called into a meeting with senior HR leadership.

I was told that the coworker had made an allegation concerning our sexual encounter.

According to what I was told, her characterization of the encounter was substantially different from mine.

That was honestly one of the most surreal experiences I've ever had. I went from being on vacation and thinking about completely normal life stuff to sitting in an HR meeting having to explain intimate details of a sexual encounter to people from my employer.

The company is conducting an internal investigation. Interestingly, the HR person handling the matter wasn't even local and traveled a significant distance specifically to address the situation, so it's clearly being taken seriously by the company despite the encounter occurring outside of work hours.

I was given a relatively short window to submit a written statement. I did that and provided the communications and documentation I had that I believed were relevant to the timeline.

There is also potentially surveillance from the location where the encounter occurred showing the two of us arriving together and the surrounding events before and after. Obviously, surveillance can't show what happened inside a private room, but it may provide context for the timeline and our behavior immediately before and afterward.

I'm still working while the investigation is happening.

That's probably the strangest part psychologically.

I have to walk into the same workplace every day and interact with people while knowing that an allegation this serious has been made about me. I don't know who has heard what. I don't know what version of the story, if any, has been discussed among coworkers. I don't know what people think.

I'm also trying very hard not to make the situation worse.

I'm not confronting her. I'm not asking coworkers what she's said. I'm not going around trying to convince people of my side. I'm not retaliating against her. I'm cooperating with the investigation and continuing to do my job.

But it's difficult not to think about the possibility that someone's perception of you can change based on an allegation before you've even had the opportunity to respond.

I've also started looking at other employment opportunities regardless of how this investigation ends. That's partly because I had been viewing this job as a pathway toward transferring into another position, and this situation has made me realize I don't want my entire future to depend on one employer or one internal career path.

I'm not saying I'm definitely going to leave, and I'm not assuming I'm going to be fired. I'm simply making sure I have options.

The bigger question I'm trying to understand is what people do after something like this.

If the investigation ultimately concludes that I didn't violate company policy, how do you actually go back to normal?

Do you just keep showing up, doing your job, and refuse to worry about what people may or may not believe?

I'm not looking for people to determine who's telling the truth from a Reddit post. I'm looking for perspective from people who understand what it's like to have something this serious suddenly become part of your professional life.